Breaking Down
unlike Thursday at the lab
when flat slick veins
spat a trickle of dark blood veins rise pulsing
on the hand that clasps
a fresh blade cutter
slits the tape and section
turns 3D container to sheet
last week a cardboard flap
scraped my shin, ran red
there's no blood on the box
I watch those persistent veins
and brood about vengeance
but what would fibre know
Digital Photo.
♥ ♥ ♥
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22 comments:
Very vivid piece! Excellently crafted!
-Weasel =)
Susan this quite the visual poem!
I like what you did here!
Pamela
A dramatically written poem! When I'm having blood drawn, I never look, LOL. Now I know what I missed!
I like all the different veins and the desire for vengeance against the inanimate object. Well done.
Creepy and effective!
Ouch. This is really striking.
Vivid imagery throughout. I am one who has been known to do vengence on inanimate objects and immediately apologize to them as well. I know the feelings here and I never watch when blood is taken, I rather not know.
Elizabeth
Powerful images drawn here.
Paper and cardboard can be lethal slicers. Well writen.
Ouch! I can't look either - the one time I did, I fainted. As for paper cuts - why do they always happen when licking an envelope flap? Thank goodness for modern self-seal.
A really well-crafted poem.
Ouch! I can't look either - the one time I did, I fainted. As for paper cuts - why do they always happen when licking an envelope flap? Thank goodness for modern self-seal.
A really well-crafted poem.
There's a splendid brooding tension to the poem as it moves from one blood image to another. Chilling.
A poem that makes one wince! Paper cuts are so painful. I love the sound of "flat slick veins/spat a trickle".
I had a couple of paper cuts, and showed them to my students and gain sympathy from the girls.
Love this. So visual..
designed patterns
Oh, great tease at the end
All that sharpness and blood from such a mundane chore
loved the vividness of imagery and the interweaving of perspective...
nicely done...nice ending.....thanks for this
Lovely one!!
This is quite different for you... the darkness, the sinister feeling underneath...I loved it!
This is quite the revenge fantasy :). I like the humor of the last line, and I've shared that animus toward certain injurious inanimate objects.
Oooh, this gave me the heeby-jeebies! A great piece of writing.
CJ xx
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