Tumblewords

Fractals Photos Poetry Prose Watercolor

Friday, August 27, 2010

Breaking Down for Big Tent

Big Tent Poetry offers prompt: Do something, Pay attention, Write about it.






Breaking Down


unlike Thursday at the lab
when flat slick veins
spat a trickle of dark blood

veins rise pulsing
on the hand that clasps
a fresh blade cutter

a silver sharp razor edge
slits the tape and section
turns 3D container to sheet

last week a cardboard flap
scraped my shin, ran red
there's no blood on the box

I watch those persistent veins
and brood about vengeance
but what would fibre know

 
Digital Photo.
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22 comments:

Systematic Weasel said...

Very vivid piece! Excellently crafted!

-Weasel =)

flaubert said...

Susan this quite the visual poem!
I like what you did here!
Pamela

Diane T said...

A dramatically written poem! When I'm having blood drawn, I never look, LOL. Now I know what I missed!

James said...

I like all the different veins and the desire for vengeance against the inanimate object. Well done.

twitches said...

Creepy and effective!

EKSwitaj said...

Ouch. This is really striking.

Elizabeth said...

Vivid imagery throughout. I am one who has been known to do vengence on inanimate objects and immediately apologize to them as well. I know the feelings here and I never watch when blood is taken, I rather not know.

Elizabeth

Stan Ski said...

Powerful images drawn here.

Rallentanda said...

Paper and cardboard can be lethal slicers. Well writen.

vivinfrance said...

Ouch! I can't look either - the one time I did, I fainted. As for paper cuts - why do they always happen when licking an envelope flap? Thank goodness for modern self-seal.

A really well-crafted poem.

vivinfrance said...

Ouch! I can't look either - the one time I did, I fainted. As for paper cuts - why do they always happen when licking an envelope flap? Thank goodness for modern self-seal.

A really well-crafted poem.

Dick said...

There's a splendid brooding tension to the poem as it moves from one blood image to another. Chilling.

Derrick said...

A poem that makes one wince! Paper cuts are so painful. I love the sound of "flat slick veins/spat a trickle".

Ann said...

I had a couple of paper cuts, and showed them to my students and gain sympathy from the girls.

gautami tripathy said...

Love this. So visual..

designed patterns

barbara said...

Oh, great tease at the end
All that sharpness and blood from such a mundane chore

gospelwriter said...

loved the vividness of imagery and the interweaving of perspective...

Wayne Pitchko said...

nicely done...nice ending.....thanks for this

Jeeves said...

Lovely one!!

Cynthia Short said...

This is quite different for you... the darkness, the sinister feeling underneath...I loved it!

Francis Scudellari said...

This is quite the revenge fantasy :). I like the humor of the last line, and I've shared that animus toward certain injurious inanimate objects.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Oooh, this gave me the heeby-jeebies! A great piece of writing.

CJ xx