Whispers
add two great planets and
subtract the smallest moon
beware cenotes
where blind fish groove
quills of Nostradamus
ink a froth of quats
old ciphers, dated runes
the elite presume to sunder
beware the fertile mass
unconfined on Venus
pebbles in her pockets
smoke across her face
the calendar picks up pace
galactic center
circles too close to the wind
and tick-tock sings the corner
The prompt words:
brunt, drawing, fertile, enthusiast, elite, froth, Hercules, sundered, question, shouldered, thigh, simple, stones
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28 comments:
A froth of quats has me wondering..
my favourite line.Also the smoke across the face of Venus.Very ethereal.
Like that image of Venus, kinda slinky. And I love that last line, menace in such innocence.
Great depth to this one. Loved it.
I've learned several new words here! I like how you've woven the natural elements of the universe and ancient wisdoms in this.
I very much enjoyed the sense of the winding up of a spell here. There is an invocatory feel to the whole poem, as if it needs to be chanted (albeit quietly!)
I very much like the sense of a spell being wound up here. The poem has an invocatory feel to it, as if it needs to be chanted (albeit quietly!)
Love how you do it!
chugging train
oh yeah!
tick-tock sings the corner all right!
these are lovely--thank you!
very nice!!!
you are awsome!
Oh, that last stanza hums.
Love it!
I love that Venus has pebbles in her pockets and is shrouded with smoke - makes her seem dangerous.
I love that Venus has pebbles in her pockets and is shrouded with smoke - makes her seem dangerous.
I like the rhythm and sound in this, how it flows, very smoothly. I also like the poem blends myth and science so effortlessly, the smoke "across her face," the "fertile mass." Very felicitous.
I like the rhythm and sound in this, how it flows, very smoothly. I also like the poem blends myth and science so effortlessly, the smoke "across her face," the "fertile mass." Very felicitous.
from Therese Broderick -- A cosmology! A cosmology of premonitions, forecasts, warnings. The whisperings seem almost decipherable, but not quite. Some secret is just beyond hearing. Robert Frost once said that the prophet tells us, "Beware!" and the poet tells us, "Be aware!" You have done both here.
the atmosphere of mysterious magic and the image/notion of distance serve this poem well. your specific note to detail "quill" only increase the gravity of humanity's place in the universe, enjoyed.
-lawrence
I am reminded of this somehow: Planet motion for two stars: http://www.phy.ntnu.edu.tw/ntnujava/index.php?PHPSESSID=9a8942c82402503dc19826786a37b7cc&topic=766.msg2914#msg2914
And thus I wish it were a different word other than "corner". That's just me, don't get me wrong; I was seeing the motion of the planets and was imagining something more slingshot (slingshot just kind of goes with the "pebbles" :) ) than sharp.
Love "ink a froth of quats"
Wonderful read, thanks!
Tick tock sings the corner. Like the sentence
This seemed very surreal to me. I'm going to have to read this again. At first reaction, I also like the third stanza -- Venus seems even more dangerous than normal to me, the way you write her. I enjoyed the read.
This is so magical, and I love the tick-tock bit!
btw, I checked the comment box on TNC and it seems to be working okay, Unfortunately, if you cut or copy and paste it doesn't make a hyperlink on blogger like it does on Wordpress, but you can add html. There is a good link on my NaiSaiKu post, click on the word 'permalink' to see how Mike Fitz does it. Hope this helps. Andy
nicely done....especially like froth of quats...although not sure..or I mean do not know quats?...maybe thats why I like it so much anyways....thanks for sharing..cheers
And Venus so close to Earth...I'll be at the window all night!
btw; I linked to this from NaiSaiKu.
This has really interesting imagery, and I really like the last stanza, especially.
Remarkable! _m
this is mesmerizing, magical. and the title "whispers" sets the tone perfectly. beautiful piece.
Hmm, I like the sort of astrological direction you went with this, it was not something I would've thought of. Especially like "circles too close to the wind". Tres cool!
This is beautiful read aloud. I adore "tick-tock" and how it surprises, after the cyphered poem.
A very evocative astropoem
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