Tumblewords

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Friday, May 06, 2011

Poem for Big Tent Poetry

The prompt is to write a revision of an older poem.




Friday


stews of gas and glitter
spilling from its pinch
a long-tailed dipper
ladles down the double dark

Orion shoots a maze
straight from the sword
while Seven Sisters traverse
the telltale Friday sky

at the local saloon
full of clatter and glass
a seedy midlife male
hunts a weekend girl



 
♥     ♥     ♥

19 comments:

flaubert said...

Oh my, Susan, a perfect blend of night sky constellations to reality.

Pamela

sandy said...

Wow, I love this.

vivinfrance said...

Striking. It feels like the start of a film.

versebender said...

From the cosmic to the mundane...beautifully done. Vb

KidDenverPoet said...

Oh yes! Is it in the stars tonight. One of my top reads of the night. And thanks for stopping by.

Henry Clemmons

soulsmusic said...

Loved the juxtaposition of the starry endless sky and the local pub and ordinary people.

Elizabeth

anthonynorth said...

Well, I think you covered it all there. Excellent.

imnotaverse said...

I love this, especially that first stanza, and L3 & L4 in particular.

You paint a wonderful picture.

Laurie Kolp said...

I love the contrast here...

Mary said...

Wonderfully complex poem here. From the cosmos to a scene of real life!

Mr. Walker said...

Love that last stanza - and the connection with Orion, the hunter, in the previous stanza.

Richard

Kelly said...

This is fantastic. Bravo!

brenda w said...

Beautiful. From the heavens to the earth. We are connected, even to the seedy side. :)

nan said...

This is a great poem, Susan. I couldn't help but shiver a little at the ending - and then on second read-through, I laughed. Very nice contrast. I suppose "its all in there."

M. A. S. said...

I have never imagined such wonderful descriptions of constellations! This is fantastic. Also, kind of unrelated-it reminds me of a RUSH song (that mentions the Seven Sister-who happen to be morning their loss-anyway...). I wish you would have posted your older version.

Cathy said...

Hope the weekend girl rejects him!!

Love how you fitted the images together.

www.thequietone.net

Strummed Words said...

We are moved by the stars. Nice one.

Deb said...

Dang! I love your music. Gas & glass as slant & sass. Gorgeous.

Everyday Goddess said...

this really caught me! i gave you one of my weekly goddess awards which you can collect at my place anytime!

happy blogging!