When it Comes
a cane hooked the rocker arm
peanuts in the shell
refused to yield
I cracked them for you
when the failing came
from brown shoots
thickets of remorse
entwine with guilt
regret doesn't pause
twelve hundred miles distant
a funeral called to you
someone you once knew
I claimed busyness when
you couldn't go alone
♥ ♥ ♥
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17 comments:
Deep feeling words. Beautifully expressed.
So poignant.
I especially enjoyed the images that felt, to me, from the throat down. Sitting on the rocker... and the line "from brown shoots
thickets of remorse
entwine with guilt " fabulous visual elements there...
Nice job for the prompt. Don't you love being "prompted?"
Nice images: peanut shells, brown shoots, thickets of remorse...yes!
You convey such a sense of shame & sorrow here in these few words. Wonderful as usual!
Intense feelings are best captured in a few well chosen subtle words.
Something you excel at.
Yes, I agree with the others; intense and amazing.
I hate just repeating what other people have said, but it's true... the shame and discomfort really come through strongly and beautifully here. Well done!
Runs deep..!
I felt the intensity..
my arms around myself won't let me down
Susan,
What a sad poem. I really like the second stanza, it does capture the feeling of sorrow:
"from brown shoots
thickets of remorse
entwine with guilt
regret doesn't pause"
Wonderful work!
Pamela
I love the gentleness of the intensity here. It is strong but wrapped in soft cloth in mitigation. Very nice.
I do like that beginning image. And the spareness of the "confession" gives it that much more power.
wow, tw... loved the three stanzas..each had it's own vision and when the end came i couldn't help but to gasp
TB, you may think it needs revision, but the feeling is so powerful . . . I wouldn't touch it!
Nice work.
Allan
It is a beautiful poem, a memory filled with sadness and remorse. I liked these lines
'thickets of remorse
entwine with guilt'
This quiet poem speaks deeply to me, making me think and feel and remember.
peanuts in the shell
refused to yield
I cracked them for you
when the failing came
These lines brought tears to my eyes. Just a beautiful, great poem.
Thanks,
Shari
Beautiful brush strokes of feelings that attend old age I thought.-Irene
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