Tumblewords

Fractals Photos Poetry Prose Watercolor

Thursday, March 11, 2010

When it Comes for RWP #117

ReadWritePoem Prompt #117  - - write a poem in two parts and then later combine those parts at its volta.



When it Comes

a cane hooked the rocker arm
peanuts in the shell
refused to yield
I cracked them for you
when the failing came

from brown shoots
thickets of remorse
entwine with guilt
regret doesn't pause

twelve hundred miles distant
a funeral called to you
someone you once knew
I claimed busyness when
you couldn't go alone



 
♥   ♥   ♥

17 comments:

anthonynorth said...

Deep feeling words. Beautifully expressed.

Julie Jordan Scott said...

So poignant.

I especially enjoyed the images that felt, to me, from the throat down. Sitting on the rocker... and the line "from brown shoots
thickets of remorse
entwine with guilt " fabulous visual elements there...

Joyce Ellen Davis said...

Nice job for the prompt. Don't you love being "prompted?"

Nice images: peanut shells, brown shoots, thickets of remorse...yes!

Cynthia Short said...

You convey such a sense of shame & sorrow here in these few words. Wonderful as usual!

rallentanda said...

Intense feelings are best captured in a few well chosen subtle words.
Something you excel at.

SOL said...

Yes, I agree with the others; intense and amazing.

namingconstellations said...

I hate just repeating what other people have said, but it's true... the shame and discomfort really come through strongly and beautifully here. Well done!

Tamarind~ said...

Runs deep..!

gautami tripathy said...

I felt the intensity..

my arms around myself won't let me down

flaubert said...

Susan,
What a sad poem. I really like the second stanza, it does capture the feeling of sorrow:
"from brown shoots
thickets of remorse
entwine with guilt
regret doesn't pause"
Wonderful work!
Pamela

Paul Oakley said...

I love the gentleness of the intensity here. It is strong but wrapped in soft cloth in mitigation. Very nice.

briarcat said...

I do like that beginning image. And the spareness of the "confession" gives it that much more power.

one more believer said...

wow, tw... loved the three stanzas..each had it's own vision and when the end came i couldn't help but to gasp

Allan Cox said...

TB, you may think it needs revision, but the feeling is so powerful . . . I wouldn't touch it!

Nice work.

Allan

Uma Gowrishankar said...

It is a beautiful poem, a memory filled with sadness and remorse. I liked these lines
'thickets of remorse
entwine with guilt'

Shari Smothers said...

This quiet poem speaks deeply to me, making me think and feel and remember.

peanuts in the shell
refused to yield
I cracked them for you
when the failing came

These lines brought tears to my eyes. Just a beautiful, great poem.

Thanks,
Shari

Anonymous said...

Beautiful brush strokes of feelings that attend old age I thought.-Irene